fbpx

CONTACT   |   T: 0844 800 1701  

  • Live events
  • Webinars
  • LOL platform
  • Blended learning

The ten most commonly used toilet paper substitutes during the coronavirus lockdown

no toilet paper during corona virus

Exclusive Panic-Buying Research from Laughology and the Foundation of Organised Occupational Learning.

As Covid -19’s grip on the nation takes hold, Laughology has spent the last few weeks undertaking some vital research.

We have been fortunate that our studies have been supported by the Foundation of Organised Occupational Learning, enabling us to conduct interviews with over one hundred participants. Our interviews have helped us to understand a fascinating pattern in human behaviour. As the population continues its scrabble to secure the last batch of Andrex, we wanted to further understand how people are able to create, diversify and re-purpose in these unprecedented times.

Studies with the School of Hominid Integral Technologies

Recent statistics from the School of Hominid Integral Technologies backs up our research. It showed that 89% of the British public have developed a number of crucial strategies to help keep their back end up to the standards required during these testing times.

An official report, which will be released later this week, reveals the ten most commonly used substitutes for toilet paper in the extraordinary weeks since coronavirus hit our shores.

  1. Kitchen roll (33%) - all varieties were deemed acceptable. Results showed that those with a good, wide surface area were best. Most participants invested in Thirst Pockets, (described by one as, ‘the duvet of kitchen roll’) to absorb any posterior eruptions.bum stats
  2. Hosepipe (20%) - Favouring a paperless society, participants wanted to get right to the heart of the problem. No stone (or rather pebble) was left unturned. Interviewees claimed that they were left clean as a whistle, as well as colonically irrigated, but sadly off their neighbour’s Christmas card list.

  3. Baking paper (16%) – Participants were seeking a retro feel here and found that a sheet of baking paper immediately transported them back to their school days. Memories of tracing paper moving their detritus around in circles overcame any wonders as to why they were getting nowhere fast.bum stats 19202

  4. Iceberg Lettuce (9%) – Of those we interviewed, some found that, providing you use a nice, sizeable leaf, this was a useful strategy. One applicant was quoted as saying, “If it’s been in the fridge, it will provide you with some cool, comforting relief during these difficult times.”

  5. Lasagne sheets (7%) – Research shows that necessity is the mother of invention. The key here (if unable to get any of the fresh variety) is to soak each sheet in water to soften it. Some participants found that, used well, they could utilise both sides, rinse it off and get at least three goes out of each sheet.
    bum stats2
  6. Socks (5%) – Many of those we spoke to were quick to acknowledge that their chances of getting their hands on a toilet roll, tin of beans or paracetamol over the past few weeks were next to zero, yet they still had access to socks. Most found them pliable, opting to wear them like a glove. But the best part of it was that they could go straight into the washing machine after use.

  7. Sandpaper (4%) – Participants who used this strategy were keen to point out that sandpaper is only rough on one side. The other side is as smooth as a baby’s bottom and can be cut to an applicable size.

  8. Fajita wraps (3%) – One of the benefits of this option seemed to be the variety of sizes and textures. Wraps could also be torn into handy sized strips, were stronger than participants first thought and could even be frozen, which prolonged the shelf life.

  9. Sponges (2%) – Most households have one of these lying around in the bathroom or perhaps for cleaning cars. Sponges could be cut to size, were extremely hardwearing and could last a lifetime. Not to mention they can be rung out time and time again – important for our current environmental challenges.

  10. Old Carpet (1%) - Our least popular strategy seemed to be for those who like to combine their sanitary habits with a workout. Volunteers found a bit of old carpet and once they had ‘dropped the kids off at the pool’, were able to use the offcut like a dog would, bum shuffling up and down until clean, or someone had shouted at them.

Results from across the UK

But this isn’t just an isolated phenomenon that we’re facing in England.

Our results also show that, in Scotland, 25% of people are displaying ‘shy bowels’, brought on by a severe lack of veg in their diet, whilst a whopping 75% are ploughing on with the traditional ‘stop and drop’ manoeuvre adopted by kilt wearers.

In Wales, the vast majority have continued to wipe the bottoms on anything remotely connected to England. In Ireland, Mrs Brown’s Boys has taken on a whole new meaning.

Our report goes on to say that ‘people from the North’ are used to toileting outside and are quite comfortable re-purposing a wheelie bin as a make-shift commode. One participant is quoted as saying, “We’ve been calling the litter tray a ‘Kitchen ensuite’ for the last fifteen years.”

In stark contrast, the research from both our work with F.O.O.L and the independent questionnaire done by S.H.I.T, shows that people from the south are often shyer in their toilet behaviour, mostly defecating behind closed curtains - great for privacy, but not so good for the curtains.

Keep Clean and Carry On

As you can see from our report, this is fast becoming a global issue. People are being forced to come up with new and inventive ways to keep clean and carry on. It seems that there is really only one takeaway: Wipe on or wipeout, the choice is in your hands.

Terms and Conditions

To continue our unique research, we would be very interested to find out what other ingenious ways you have created to keep your derrieres clean (other than toilet roll). We guarantee there will be a prize for the funniest/most creative.

Please send you photos to: www.thisisamadeupcompetition.com.org.uk

  • Created on .

Learning and development news

Remote Working, Learning and Development - Tips and Techniques

Remote Working, Learning and Development - Tips and Techniques

As the corona virus continues to spread, increasing numbers of people are working remotely from home. Some are self-isolating. And, as we write this, it seems increasingly likely that, during the coming weeks, the government will put in more stringent measures to further curtail movement. As a result of these circumstances, many concerned businesses find themselves in uncharted waters. 

Read more

Extreme Makeover - HR style

Extreme Makeover - HR style

Remember the Personnel Department? It was the place people used to go if they needed a new chair, or a P60. Or to complain about Ian from IT.

Read more

Supporting Menopause in the Workplace

Supporting Menopause in the Workplace

Here at Laughology, we like to help people think differently about the menopause, particularly when it comes to symptoms and support in the workplace. And with October being World Menopause Month, we thought it was a good opportunity to share our knowledge and expertise with you to get the conversation going. 

Read more

Year 7s develop resilience and change the way they think

Year 7s develop resilience and change the way they think

Victoria Maitland visited Fazakerley High School in early September to spend a full day working with the new cohort of year 7s.

Read more

Sarah Creegan was very excited to facilitate two face-to-face INSET

Sarah Creegan was very excited to facilitate two face-to-face INSET

After several months of delivering online sessions, Sarah Creegan was very excited to facilitate two face-to-face INSET days at the beginning of September. She did insist, however, that both schools have the same name. Which, luckily, they did!

Read more

Kerry Leigh delivers the HCS PSHE programme to Broadsquare Primary School

Kerry Leigh delivers the HCS PSHE programme to Broadsquare Primary School

Broadsquare Community Primary in Liverpool is becoming a Happy Centred School, and chose to have an introduction to the  Laughology PSHE programme on their September INSET day.

Read more

Dave Keeling’s mission was a half-day full staff INSET on growth mindset

Dave Keeling’s mission was a half-day full staff INSET on growth mindset

First gig back in September and Lead Happiness Consultant, Dave Keeling, was thrilled that he only had to travel 6 miles down the road - he’s only just got used to having a lie in!

Read more

Tesco Team Day

Tesco Team Day

Some organisations have continued to recruit and grow through the pandemic. Tesco brand team is an example.

Read more

Senior Leadership Development for St James’s Place   

Senior Leadership Development for St James’s Place  

Stephanie Davies usually enjoys an annual trip to the Lowry Theatre in Salford to take senior leaders from St James’s Place Investments through their paces.

Read more

Senior Leadership Development for St James’s Place  

Stephanie Davies usually enjoys an annual trip to the Lowry Theatre in Salford to take senior leaders from St James’s Place Investments through their paces.

Read more

Free presentation download: Mental Health in the Workplace

Free presentation download: Mental Health in the Workplace

Break the Taboo and encourage discussion about Mental Health in the Workplace

Read more

Creating a happy classroom

Creating a happy classroom

As a teacher, the idea of creating a happy classroom is normally at the top of our agenda.

Read more

Leading With Empathy

Leading With Empathy

As Brene Brown says, ‘empathy fuels connection’. Using leadership skills to lead an organisation with empathic behaviours improves communication and staff loyalty.

Read more

Boosting Mental Health and Wellbeing in the Workplace

Boosting Mental Health and Wellbeing in the Workplace

Reading is good for mindfulness, feeling calm and general wellbeing. So, at Laughology HQ, we have selected our top mental health and wellbeing reading material for you to look through. There’s top tips, activities and advice in every post.

Read more

Building Mentally Healthy Schools

Building Mentally Healthy Schools

Here at Laughology, we know that you’re working hard to look after the mental health and wellbeing of staff and pupils at your school. But coping in times of change or challenge can only be done if we have the skills in our mental health and wellbeing ‘toolbox’.

Read more

Mind the gap: Supporting managers and teams back to work

Mind the gap: Supporting managers and teams back to work

Even before the coronavirus crisis, mental health issues were the number one cause of long-term absence among UK workers. Lockdown will have undoubtedly exacerbated this issue.

Read more

Menopause: A hot topic for everyone

Menopause: A hot topic for everyone

How do you engage traditionally male-dominated industries to talk about the menopause?  

Read more

FLIP-it resilience webinars 

FLIP-it resilience webinars 

This month we’ve focussed on resilience and have hosted several webinars introducing delegates to our unique FLIP-it thinking model.

Read more

Unconscious bias and diversity in the workplace with Elexon

Unconscious bias and diversity in the workplace with Elexon

Lead happiness consultant, Dave Keeling, is not used to working in August. He’s usually too busy slapping on factor 50 and doing widths in his paddling pool. 

Read more

Resilience in the workplaces often starts with great managers and leaders

Resilience in the workplaces often starts with great managers and leaders

Here at Laughology, we’re proud as punch when we help people, and we know supporting them to be resilient is a great life skill.

Read more

Ask us a question

You can call us on 0844 800 1701, or use this form and we will get back to you as soon as possible.






Message*:


SIGN UP FOR REAL FAKE NEWS!

WE PROMISE TO ONLY SHARE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS WITH THE RUSSIANS AND DONALD TRUMP
Sign up to our regular Laughology bulletin

Laughology
Suite 869, Kemp House,
152 - 160 City Road,
London EC1V 2NX

T: 0844 800 1701
E: Laughology
F: 0208 337 9262